here's hoping that the days ahead/won't be as bitter as the ones behind you/be an optimist instead/somehow happiness will find you

forget what happened yesterday/i know that better things are on their way.. -Ray Davies, "Better Things"

So I'm not a big believer in the whole New Year's thing. It could be because of the fact that I am an eternal pessimist, but I've never been one to believe that the oncoming of a new year is something exciting, heralding a year of changes and better things. Possibly because in the past every year has been the same thing. However... as much as 2005 sucked (and it really truly sucked), for once I can say that I had a truly life-changing year. Here I am, living away from my family, which I never would have expected. Living in New York Fucking City- which I truly never would have expected. And despite the fear, the stress & worry- I'm getting by. So much like Mary Tyler Moore, I "could just make it after all!"
This still doesn't make me think anything special about 2006. At the kickoff of the year, I'm already concerned about the amount of hours I'll be getting at work, I'm still not very happy with my new job in the store and still worried (maybe more than before) that in August I'll be packing up and going back to Miami. So this first post on a new blog on the first day of the year shouldn't be translated as me waking up from some kind of Scroogelike night of dreams to declare that it's the new year and I think everything's going to be fantastic now that there's a fresh start to a brand new year. Rather, it's an acknowledgement that 2005 came and went and changed me in ways I didn't expect, causing me to really wonder what 2006 will bring... with my trademark morbid curiousity rather than any kind of wide eyed enthusiasm. i don't do wide eyed enthusiasm.

How did I spend New Year's Eve? Well, after a really fucking bad day on Friday, I went home to X+J and began the weekend off by watching J. play this hysterical videogame- the point of which is to roll things up into a giant ball so that it can become a star or something? You roll up like scooters, then trees, people, houses, sperm whales, fighting dinosaurs, buildings, and eventually, J. rolled up the Sun. It's really fucking cool. Then we watched Project Runway, our latest guilty pleasure. Saturday was a very mellow day- started off watching a bit of the new Directors Label box set, which I got with a gift certificate that L. gave me. Trent Reznor is looking damn good these days, renewing an old celebrity crush (can my one NY resolution be to restrict my crushes to celebrities? done). I saw the video for this Jay-Z song, "99 Problems" which was really fucking amazing. I heard the first line- "I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one" and immediately wanted to mute the sound, but ended up thinking that it's a really great track. But fuck- it's hard to reconcile with my distaste for the violence & misogyny that hip hop is teeming with... So I went to itunes with the gift card that X's mom gave me for Christmas and got the song... only they had the accapella version! Fuuuuuck. Started to watch Johnny Cash's video for "Hurt" but it's still too sad, possibly one of the most gut wrenching videos ever. Watched the nine inch nails videos "Closer" and "The Perfect Drug" a zillion times instead- whether he's blindfolded & handcuffed pretty Trent of '94 or Victorian Edward Gorey goatee Trent of '96 or sideburns & collared shirt Trent of '05, I want him. *sigh* Oh yeah, I watched some videos from the other dvds, too... but apparently Mark Romanek is my favorite volume this go around. Then I watched The Interpreter, which Dave gave me. Yaay Nicole Kidman. It was really good- plus, they were in Brooklyn. They actually filmed a subway bit at our station, but the train was supposed to be the L. How's that for useless trivia? Anyway, later on I made dinner for X+J for the first time! It's this recipe that my mom has, called "slop" after the noise it makes when you serve it. It's not as bad as it sounds & I think I'm going to re-name it. Anyway, it was pretty easy to make, although I did manage to drop the salt shaker behind the oven. I was really happy with it, but more exciting is that the flatmates liked it- even X, who is a notoriously picky eater! That sort of made my night, as I feel like I can finally contribute something culinary to the flat. So we ate & watched The Stewie Griffin Story, then played Trivial Pursuit- The Book Lover's Edition and Spongebob Squarepants Life until like 3:30 in the morning. Which may sound incredibly lame, but it was the perfect New Year's Eve for me & exactly what I had hoped to do this weekend- a lot of nothing. Here it is, 12:15 in the afternoon and I'm still in bed. Yaay weekend off!

-rick
listening to: Robbie Williams/Intensive Care
bookbag: still undecided- shall I start "Thank You For Smoking" or "Conversations with the Dream King?"
dvd player: The Wizard of Oz
title quote: Ray Davies & The Kinks/Better Things
celebrity sightings: 0 -this will probably not change today unless Trent Reznor shows up at the flat, which J. promised me would happen after I wished for snow and then got "snow-rain."