doesn't want to go to work today/doesn't feel it's importance/wants to live life like a swinging door/let everything out, everything in & more

every day's downhill from here...

1. Dreams:
a) I dreamt that it was moving day, we (my dad & I) had packed up the truck completely and I said, "Okay, that's it. Let's go." We left. Two days later I realize that I forgot to say goodbye to anyone. When I call the flat, only X will speak to me. Lily, J. & the Red Haired Goddess do not take my calls.
b) I'm back in Miami. I go to the old store, to the café. The server notices my wedding band. I tell her I got married, but that we didn't have a ceremony- "I married her in an office." ...there was a bit more to the dream, but it was sorta fucked up, so we won't get into it. it involved firearms and a lost car, though.

2. Weight Issues:
So last week, I felt like the pants I wear to work were sort of feeling tighter, like maybe I've been putting some of the weight back on. Of course when I tried on some of my old jeans and they promptly fell down to my knees, I realized that this is not true. When I'm going to sleep at night and feel that my ribs and hip bones are much more prominent than they ever were before, I should realize that it's not true... but I think once you've felt like a fat pig, you probably won't get used to NOT feeling that way for a while. Anyway, the point- Tonight at work I kept feeling like the pants were falling down. I felt like I was wearing those old jeans, constantly pulling my pants up. I was kind of freaking out- thinking that last week they felt tight and now they're falling off, there's something seriously wrong with me, some cancer eating me from the inside out and oh my god this isn't healthy at all!! etc etc etc. Until around 9:30 when I was in the elevator and pulled them up a bit and noticed.... that they were unbuttoned the whole time. Yes, I'm a complete idiot.

3. Home:
home home home. five months. fuck. i'm depressed.

4. Sophie B.:
oh yeah, i signed on to Myspace (I wish I knew how to quit you... Myspace.) and had a friend request from Sophie B. Hawkins, who I really respect & admire. I think she's a really fearless artist & after seeing THE CREAM WILL RISE I'm amazed at her courage & strength as a human being. I mean, her last album was disappointing, but I really respect that she's got a singular point of view and at times her work is fucking brilliant... So it was really, really cool to get the request. But um. So did X+J, so I feel less special.

5. Pictures & Frames
new issue's up w/my review for RENT and MAPPING THE EDGE; http://www.picturesandframesmagazine.com/

-rick
listening to: Neko Case/Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
bookbag: Sarah Dunant/Transgressions (it's finally hooked me, but it's truly one of the darkest things i've read)
dvd player: Undeclared
title quote: "Every Day Down" by Joan Jones from the FELICITY soundtrack
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-7