where the shadows fall by the mountain pass/the 2 in the morning shade through the glass

So I've made my decision. I'm moving back to Miami. Possibly not till the lease is up in July, maybe sooner. Things have to be discussed, sorted out, figured. I'll miss the independence granted by the subway, living with X+J, Lily & Gilliane, the red-haired goddess, the BN which is the best place I've ever worked... But I can't afford to stay. And I can't be this far from my family for so long, and that's what's most important to me right now. I do have to shake off this feeling that I'm letting everybody down. I have to do what feels right to me and disregard what other people think. Which is essentially what got me into this situation to begin with... but I can't regret the experience as it's been amazing. It's taught me a lot about myself. But you know... "if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard."
which i think is a lot more spacious since i left, what with the hurricanes knocking down the patio and all.

i came home last night to find a kitten. we are kitten-sitting over the weekend. and she's the cutest thing ever. she's meowing outside my door right now and you know... i have to go play with the kitten!!!
rick

listening to: Holly Palmer/tenderhooks. damn, you all just don't know... damn.
bookbag: Men of Tomorrow: Gangsters, Geeks & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones. Looking forward to the next book.
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season Three
title quote: Holly Palmer, "mannequins" from TENDERHOOKS. Look, just- YOU GO HERE!: http://www.myspace.com/hollypalmer 
celebrity sightings: 0
YTD Sightings-5

if i could be two places at one time, i'd be with you/tomorrow + today, beside you all the way

Big week! Dave flew in on Friday. We immediately came home (the train/bus ride to LaGuardia is too damn long) and proceeded to hang out. Had pizza with the flatmates and watched RED EYE, which I really liked and wanted them all to see. So we watched it! And, well... I really liked it.

Saturday Dave & I took a ride to Cypress Hills Cemetary (I almost got him killed by jumping into the A train while the doors were closing and felt like a horrible brother) to find Jackie Robinson's grave. Which we did... 2.5 hours later. Still, cool cemetary. Not cool? The J train. Pretty sure that during the rest of my time here, I won't be riding the J anywhere. It makes me really nervous. Anyway- after Cypress Hills, we went to Midtown, specifically to Cozy's for burgers & fries. Then hit Forbidden Planet (for the first time, it ROCKS and I proudly didn't spend any money) and visited my work. Then down to Academy Records, where Dave found a couple of dvds. Back home to make chili and watch The Corpse Bride!

Sunday was awesome as we went to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which I was a little wary about. I thought it would be fun and knew that Dave would be psyched to see Jonathan Pryce. I was really surprised that it kicked ass. It was soooo hysterical and Norbert Leo Butz? Kicked ass. Plus, my beloved Sherie Rene Scott- yes, I saw Jamie & Cathy from LAST 5 YEARS. It was really great- and while it was of course not as jawdropping as Sweeney Todd, it was fantastic on a whole other level. So much fun. I was a stage door geek and got Jonathan Pryce & Gregory Jbara to sign my playbill. Woo-hoo!! Afterwards, we went to the Diner for dinner, came home and had game night!

Monday was a rain day, so we stayed home, watched dvds and hung out.

Tuesday we hit Central Park (Strawberry Fields; Cleopatra's Needle; Bethesda Fountain, of course) and had a giant movie night with the flatmates, Gilliane + the Red Haired Goddess. Magnficent Seven. It kicked ass! (ok we may have also watched some of American Idol for the bad singers... I love that shit)

Yesterday, back to the airport, back to Miami for Dave and back home for me. super bummed, but feeling a little better knowing that I've got a plan and that sooner or later I'll be back with my family. I guess that all this comes down to the old saying "Home is where the heart is." My heart is definitely with my family- and for all the great things this city has to offer, it doesn't have what's most important to me.

ok enough introspection. time to get up and do laundry. grrr.
-rick


listening to: Bill Burr/Emotionally Unavailable
bookbag: um. that comic book book. haven't read it in like, a week.
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season 3
title quote: "If" by Bread. Although I was clearly quoting Dolly Parton's version of it.
celebrity sightings: 2 *Pryce & Jbara at the stage door
YTD Sightings-5
what i wish i would have said: "I'd like a ticket to Miami, please."

we could get carried away/it could have happened to anyone/on a day like today

my online crush said that i hang the damn moon.


***swoon***

in a portugese saloon/a fly is circling round the room/you soon forget the tune that they play/for that's the part you throw away

oh, nevermind. none of you will be going with me.... it's $75 bucks.
http://www.thecarlyle.com/entertainment.cfm

um. i'll be going alone, nevertheless.


title quote: Ute Lemper, "the part you throw away" from Punishing Kiss (by Tom Waits)

my darling try to face the facts/the only thing you lack/is me

This morning I woke up and looked like Agent Cooper.

"Coop?"

but more importantly? IT IS SO FUCKING ON!!!!
from http://www.utelemper.com/
Ute Lemper will be at the Café Carlyle on:
February 7-11, 14-18, 21-25th
on tuesdays-thursdays at 8:45
fridays-saturdays at 8:45 & 10:00
WHO IS GOING WITH ME?????????????? i am going to buy tickets for sure for sure. i don't know how much they are or where to get them but dammit, one of my biggest things about coming to NYC was that i could see the lovely Ute perform live!! Ohmigod I have to watch her dvd RIGHT NOW except that I can't because I have to leave in an hour to meet Dave at the airport. aaah!! Now, which of my friends will I be subjecting to this, as it is a cabaret show and no one I know is remotely that gay? hmmm.

rick

listening to: Ute Lemper playlist.
bookbag: The Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones
dvd player: Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season Three
title quote: Ute Lemper, "You Were Meant For Me" from Punishing Kiss
celebrity sightings: 1: Ric Ocasek was in the store again and this time, we interacted! AND I didn't make an ass out of myself! I fucking helped one of the Cars!!!
YTD Sightings-3
what i wish i would have said: "The Cars is only one of the best albums ever, dammit! You rock!!" instead? I said... "Do you have our membership card?"

well i wake up every morning & the first thing that i say is that i hope that i can make it through another lonely day

oh fuck this day.
Inventory. Left work at 2:30 AM. that's 12.5 hours, kids. Yeah, there was a yummy slice of pizza (Red Haired Goddess doesn't lie!) but oh my GOD i hate doing inventory.
then i get out, go to catch my train. it's 3 in the morning, i'm tired and lately as a result of the sudafed have been feeling very disoriented. so when the train gets there, i apparently walked past an open door- because when i got to the door next to the conductor, they'd already closed. I was like "hey, wait for me!" -very smily and shit. and he's like, "why didn't you get in that car?" I look over and realize what I did and I'm like, "ohh. i don't know" Sorta as if to say how about that? He looks at me like I'm an alien or something and then... DOESN'T OPEN THE DOOR. In fact, the train pulls out. And I'm left standing thinking YOU fucking asshole...
When I get on the next train, all is well until some creepy guy cruises me. I don't know if I'm flattered or not. I don't feel flattered, I felt creeped out. I stomped off the train and all the way home, had a hot shower and am now going to sleep.

so that i can get up in 5 hours and do it all again. fuck.

if this was any other day i'd turn & walk the other way/today i'll stay not walk, just rock...

what is up with this fucking asshole saying that God must be mad at America? THE FUCKING MAYOR OF NEW ORLEANS!?!? Sorry did we just go back in time hundreds of years or something?

ok that's about as much as I have to say about that.

Inventory tonight. Not looking forward to it... sort of wish I wasn't such an extra hours whore and had simply said "no" as far as staying for inventory, just agreed to close. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Had a bit of a horrible flash this morning. Soon E. & the Fuckwit will be moving up- will they visit Lily here? Do I have the right to banish them from ever stepping foot in the flat? Common sense would dictate that they'd not come here as... Dishonest Untrustworthy Straight Up Phony me lives here- and I'm clearly the devil so they'd avoid coming here. right? could I maybe do a cleansing spell or something? Anyway, so much for E's hopes of civility. That kinda disappeared when fuckwit sent me that e-mail. Grrr. I musta had some fucking dream to inspire these thoughts because seriously what the hell?? Granted, lately even Lily seems like an occassional visitor to the flat.

Been trading e-mails with Craigslist Guy. Yaay. I did realize today that my life is starting to seem a bit like You've Got Mail. Will I meet him only to discover that he's the man who put my children's bookstore out of business? You all know how much I like thinking of myself as Meg Ryan...

sorry. i just... threw up a little in my mouth.

Red Haired Goddess has loaned me 2 Invader Zim dvds, making the dvds I got for my birthday/Christmas very angry as they're being ignored for the Zim.

Hijacked the stereo at work yesterday & played a Bic mix that I made. Some people asked who it was, so - yaay!

um. that's all I've got. My brother's coming for a visit on Friday!! I'm really psyched, wondering how I'm going to keep him entertained all this time...

and now I have to go get bread. Oh shit. I have to leave for work in 50 minutes and still have to like... shower. I am the laziest person in the world.
rick
listening to: Bic Runga, Live with Christchurch Symphony Orchestra
bookbag: Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters & the Birth of the Comic Book by Gerard Jones
dvd player: Invader Zim!! doom doom doom doom doom!
title quote: Travis, "All I Wanna Do Is Rock" from GOOD FEELING
celebrity sightings: 1- Peter Dinklage of The Station Agent & Elf. Yes, the "little midget guy" himself. This is the second time I've seen him- He was at Sweeney Todd when J+I went! I helped him find a cd wallet at work. Hooray!
YTD Sightings-2
what i wish i would have said: "You're an ANGRY elf!" no. i'm kidding. i wouldn't have said that. and X is the one who said "little midget guy." please don't hurt me.

someone said you were leaving but i don't feel a thing at all/till the ghost of your memory beats drums down every hall

went to work today. pretty much useless, though. cold rainy day. came home to a mailbox full of guys, so that's nice. two pairs of socks are better than one. tired of peanut butter sandwiches, soup and gatorade. feel very screwed about missing DiFara's last night, but the Red Haired Goddess and Jen-Who-I-Will-Come-Up-With-A-Kickass-Nickname-For had Thai instead. Nice girls. Many things going through my mind tonight. Don't need to be thinking about any of it. Need to watch this here episode of Gilmore Girls and eat my stupid pb sandwich and go to sleep.

-rick

listening to: The episode of Gilmore Girls I Tivoed
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman. almost done... have to decide what to read next. Northanger Abbey? Thank You For Smoking? Fran & Zooey? Mirror, Mirror? Too. Many. Choices!!
dvd player: Crimes of the Heart
title quote: Bic Runga, "Blue Blue Heart" from BIRDS
celebrity sightings: 1: Scott Speedman. In my store. Wearing headphones & perusing our Soul section. I didn't approach him- Speedman intimidates me.
YTD Sightings-1
what i wish i would have said: "yo, speedman."

you'll find that pretty creatures do ugly things to people

NyQuil.
Doctor Zhivago.
Bed.
ARGH.

love ends in a fire/fire through the streets/set them alight/don't say your goodbyes/say after me/i'll go my own way, baby

Just a heads up- the January issue of pictures and frames is up at www.picturesandframesmagazine.com
it includes my review of Bic Runga's album, BIRDS, which btw was named Album of the Year by the New Zealand Herald. Yaay, Bic!

feeling crappy,
rick
dvd player: Crazed Fruit
title quote: Bic Runga, "Say After Me" from BIRDS
what i wish i would have said: "you're kidding, right?"

i just don't know what to do with myself

Being sick, day 103808817089:

grr. stayed in bed all of sunday/monday. went to work yesterday, for shits & giggles. probably a mistake. in bed all day today. watched some scary movies. ate waffles. pajamas. halls throat lozenges. Red Eye kicked ass. Craigslist guy made me laugh with his version of King Kong's finale, in which Samara from The Ring shows up as she's been looking for a monkey, not a mommy! this made me watch the second Ring again. I love the scary CGI deer. Sissy Spacek is in it. SISSY SPACEK!! tonight is project runway. must feel better for Friday night's DiFara's journey, dammit.

-rick
listening to: nuthin.
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman (Jill Thompson rocks)
dvd player: 2046
title quote: Dusty Springfield. It's lame, I know... I'M SICK!!
celebrity sightings: 0 (Where, in my sick bed?)
what i wish i would NOT have said: "frottage" was maybe TMI.

can't you feel the fever like i do?

so since my last post, the red haired goddess inspired me to answer a craigslist ad. so i did, with no expectations. as an experiment.

also since my last post, i have had to cancel the big plans to see King Kong as i feel much worse than i did in the last two days and seem to have a fever. argh. I blame the L train for not running last night, making me walk in the cold to catch the F elsewhere when I was already feeling crappy. The L owes me a movie night.

so i spent the afternoon in bed updating my tribe.net profile and just generally surfing around that site. and i feel like crap. and i will feel really guilty if i have to call out tomorrow. especially after getting a wee bit of a guilt trip about calling out on Friday morning. argh.

-rick

listening to: nothing!
bookbag: stays in the bookbag.
dvd player: Hitchcock dammit, I can still watch dvds...
title quote: Kylie, "Fever" from... FEVER
celebrity sightings: 0 (but maybe i'll have a fever dream and Trent Reznor will FINALLY show up)
what i wish i would have said: yesterday. on the phone. to work. "I still don't feel well & can't come in..."

i've got MONKEYS in me!!

millions of people are waitin' on love/and this is a song about people like us

awww- why the red haired goddess is awesome: I wondered if her Craigslist guy had a gay brother who liked cross-eyed overweight girly voiced guys. She replied by saying it's possible that there's a brother interested in non-cross-eyed, formerly overweight, soft spoken guys. Clearly, a glass-is-half-full kinda girl. Anyway. I decided to scroll through the M4M personals on craigslist and of course it's nothing but rim jobs & daddies, which reminded me why i'm not interested in searching. I keep getting the Dar Williams lyric "just be alone" in my head. Still sound advice.
Off today. More Talking Heads and reading planned. Oh, and King Kong tonight!!

listening to: Talking Heads/TRUE STORIES
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents
title quote: Talking Heads, "People Like Us" from TRUE STORIES
celebrity sightings: 0, but I'm keeping my eyes open for Michelle Williams & Heath Ledger now that they live in Brooklyn.

me and them red shoes/nothing can please us

so my wonderful friend the red haired goddess put up some random post on craigslist to find someone to go see this comedy show with. who replies but this amazing, smart guy... from Spain... who's gorgeous. and they have another date set up for next week.
...could it possibly be that easy? i really feel like that's something that would NEVER happen to me. i do have this hangup about not feeling like i could date someone i just met. granted, my one date-like experience this year was pretty easy (as was I in the end...)- granted the reason i may have felt so comfortable with him was that we'd spent a few weeks trading e-mails. but after hearing the red haired goddess tell me about this, i thought about it. for an example, i used the Hot Undercover Guy Who Shall Not Be Named. He's this really cute guy I've been quietly lusting after for a while (*not* crushing on as i refuse to crush anymore, except for unattainable celebrities) and I thought about it- if (in some nonexistent fantasy world) he walked up to me and asked to take me out somewhere after work... i'd totally be like, "Ohhh i can't. I um. I ah... eek" I guess it's about just taking a chance every now and then. "Go get him, tiger!!"

¡viva espagna!
-rick

listening to: David Byrne/Rei Momo
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents
title quote: Patty Griffin, "Flaming Red" from FLAMING RED
celebrity sightings: 0, although I thought I saw Julia Stiles today. Alas, it was not so.
what i wish i would have said: after being bumped/pushed into four times in 5 minutes... by customers at work! "I swear I will vomit on the next person to bump into me and believe me- I HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!"

I will give you tacos. OH, SUCH TACOS WILL I GIVE!!

So yesterday I slept for many hours before I woke up and decided that the only appropriate way to spend a sick day is by reading the stack of untouched Entertainment Weekly magazines (All of December's issues!!) and listening to my Talking Heads box set at a very loud volume. Bonus- each cd is a dualdisc with the album on the dvd side in 5.1 stereo. Sooooo hopefully keeping my door closed kept most of the music in my room so that Chris wasn't disturbed by the fact that I had to play the second version of "Burning Down the House" five times in a row because the 5.1 mix is SO FUCKING AWESOME!! Yes, I'm a geek. Who did not know that??

I also watched many episodes of INVADER ZIM which is my latest addiction. SO brilliant. I *heart* Gir!!

Alas, today I still feel pseudo-crappy, but will be going in to work anyway. I must feel good tomorrow, for tomorrow we go to my favorite movie theatre in Brooklyn to see KING KONG. (At last!!) So if yer reading this um... you're probably nowhere near New York & stopping by the store to see me is an impossibility. But if it is, do drop in and say hi, or just watch me try not to pass out (which oddly enough almost happened when I was going into the kitchen to make my breakfast this morning. I got dizzy- hee hee!! YAAAY!!!)

Shut your noise tube, taco human!
-rick
listening to: Talking Heads/True Stories
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: Invader Zim from "Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"
celebrity sightings: 0- although last night a previously sighted celebrity, Christian Campbell, was on television. I was like- "Christian Campbell? I touched his arm. That's right..."

i'm okay/i know nothing's wrong

Called out from work today. Not feeling fantastic, but mostly just tired. For some reason I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I hate it when you KNOW you have to wake up early the next morning and have to say Okay, now i'm going to shut out the light and go to sleep- when you know that you're wide awake and sleep isn't coming anytime soon. So you just lay in bed telling yourself: Sleep. SLEEP! No, for real. Sleep.

Then to top it off and in keeping with the weird dreams this week, I had to have a dream featuring the one person I don't wanna dream about. Well, okay not the ONE person I don't want to dream about, because there's so many people it would be worse to dream about. Like Hitler. Or Satan. Or our president. R. Kelly. This person's fuckwit boyfriend. Sorry, I have anger issues. Point is- arghfuckgrrrr!!!! It was a stupid dream, too- there was a giant holiday feast. Many people were there, including some people from my job (bonus- scary/hot guy was there. true to form he walked right past me, nearly knocking me down in his rush to avoid eye contact.) and I think my Aunt was hosting it, although it wasn't at her house. I was being very nice & chivalrous to this person. Which we all know is what I would still do in reality... fuck I would even be civilized with the fuckwit boyfriend who created AngryRick- but come ON why do I need to dream about it? And couldn't it have been a dream that allowed me to get out some of the anger & agression about the situation instead of a whole "and I turned the other cheek, just like Jesus would have done" kind of thing? Someone else and I were picking this person up from a bus or something. It suddenly started raining and they both ran under shelter... but I saw that he had dropped this book that I knew was very valuable to him, so I went back for it. Retarded. But couldn't I have like, thrown it into a puddle at least?? All in all, I would have preferred a sequel to the dream involving the hot straight guy in his boxers.

right, that's it.
-rick
still thinking that aside from the amazing performances, Brokeback Mountain? Highly overrated.

listening to: Nellie McKay/Rumor Has It EP
bookbag: Hanging out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Drawn Together: Season One
title quote: Talking Heads "This Must Be The Place (Naïve Melody)" from SPEAKING IN TONGUES
celebrity sightings: 0 (An embarrassing lack of celebrity comings and goings in our flat. Must be worked on)

one day i slowly floated away

This week's theme is odd dreams.
Yesterday morning I had this dream in which I was living in this building with a bunch of people- we each had our own floor. One floor was very busy with a party & lots of people- JW had a cameo, in which I needled him mercilessly about something. I went back up to my floor and- oh, I can't tell this story here. Let's say it involved a friend's straight brother and that between us we were wearing one t-shirt and one pair of boxer shorts and that just when things were about to get interesting, I woke up. Oh, and the apartment was super cool.
This morning's dream was even stranger. I was at work, in the break room (although it was not the same break room that's there now) getting ready to leave. There was an overnight shift coming in, none of whom I recognized except for Carl & James... I was putting on my sweater & my shoes & socks (??) only to realize that there was a stack of socks on the break room table (eww) and I didn't know which were mine. Then I was putting on James' sweater instead of my own. Basically I was a giant mess. Apparently I was on the way to the airport to pick up Dave. So I *finally* get my shit together and get out of the building. Then there was a whole street-crossing thing that I don't remember very well at all, except that I had my ipod on and was singing aloud, which I never do. Then I think I took a shortcut through a hospital, but came out on the other side without any shoes. I was running through the snow & mud in bare feet- at least I was until the right side of my torso parted ways with the rest of me and I was floating into the sky. Pieces started to detach, much like Humpty Dumpty, only instead of falling down, I was floating up. This did not concern me, as I was still dialing numbers on my cellphone, which had split into two parts as well, and floating/flying towards wherever I was going to find my brother. Eventually I was floating over this trio of uniformed cops, who called out to me. Apparently I did this all the time & they knew how to get me down. They also mentioned having to call Robin Williams, who was possibly my therapist. And then I woke up. Anybody want to explain this one?

In other news, I dropped out of today's J&R expedition because it's supposed to rain. AKA I want to stay in bed all day and watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Tomorrow night's plan is also going to be pushed back a week. And I'm okay with that. Did go out last night after work with N~ to have tofu puffs and drinks. I had a coke, though. This reminds me: Alcohol makes you a winner. We've been doing game nights at the flat as we have recently added several games to our collection. I have lost on every previous game night at every game we've played. However, on Monday night we played Scrabble and I won. This is actually the first time I've ever won a game of Scrabble. Naturally, I attributed this to the fact that I had been drinking a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. So on Tuesday when we played Trivial Pursuit- the Book Lovers Edition, which is very difficult, I had another bottle. And won the game. Bring on Spongebob Squarepants Life, bitches!! I got yer Clue right here! Poker? Sure, I've never played it... except for that movie I made with Dave... but as long as I've got the Hard Lemonade, I WILL KICK YOUR ASSES. Punks.

-rick.

listening to: Joni Mitchell/Songs of a Prairie Girl
bookbag: Hanging Out with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: "One Day I Slowly Floated Away" by Eisley from ROOM NOISES
celebrity sightings: 0 -where are you all? Fuck, I haven't even seen Ric Ocasek or Sam Shepard & they're ALWAYS around.
what i wish i would have said: To the guy who brought back a Scissor Sisters cd because it made an awful noise everytime he put it into the cd player: "There's nothing wrong with the disc. The album is just that bad."

this paint by numbers life is fucking with my head once again

so pretty much all i wanna do is go in to work, do my time and then come home and hide in my room. in a way i feel like i'm devolving to the rick of yesteryear, feeling antisocial wanting nothing more than to be at home in my room watching dvds. i can feel myself detaching from a lot of the people around me (although there are those that i feel i'm getting closer to as well. there you go i'm eternally conflicted). i have to admonish myself to stop from completely hermitting- like, "yes you will go to J&R with N. on Thursday- it doesn't matter that you don't have money to spend, it'll be fun to go!" "You are going out for pizza after work Friday, no backing out! Pizza is good!" I'm like fucking FRANKENSTEIN: "Friend good. Alone bad." It doesn't help that the cold makes you really not want to leave the house or that my latest attempts at going out were less than successful. Anyway, on one hand I think that it is a bit detrimental to go back to my un-socializing ways... but then where is it written that you have to be a social creature to be happy? Probably in the same place it's written that you must find a partner to be happy. But you know what makes me happy? Being at home with the flatmates. Having a really yummy pizza. Sitting in my warm-ish room watching LIFEBOAT and WHITE CHRISTMAS. I don't need or want anything else at this point. Except of course for hottie of the day: Trent Reznor. (how very mid-to-late-90s of me)

-rick
listening to: Joni Mitchell/Songs of a Prairie Girl
bookbag: Hanging with the Dream King: Conversations with Neil Gaiman
dvd player: Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season One
title quote: "Novocaine for the Soul" by "E" from Eels/Beautiful Freak
celebrity sightings: 0 (no snow=no Trent at our door)

here's hoping that the days ahead/won't be as bitter as the ones behind you/be an optimist instead/somehow happiness will find you

forget what happened yesterday/i know that better things are on their way.. -Ray Davies, "Better Things"

So I'm not a big believer in the whole New Year's thing. It could be because of the fact that I am an eternal pessimist, but I've never been one to believe that the oncoming of a new year is something exciting, heralding a year of changes and better things. Possibly because in the past every year has been the same thing. However... as much as 2005 sucked (and it really truly sucked), for once I can say that I had a truly life-changing year. Here I am, living away from my family, which I never would have expected. Living in New York Fucking City- which I truly never would have expected. And despite the fear, the stress & worry- I'm getting by. So much like Mary Tyler Moore, I "could just make it after all!"
This still doesn't make me think anything special about 2006. At the kickoff of the year, I'm already concerned about the amount of hours I'll be getting at work, I'm still not very happy with my new job in the store and still worried (maybe more than before) that in August I'll be packing up and going back to Miami. So this first post on a new blog on the first day of the year shouldn't be translated as me waking up from some kind of Scroogelike night of dreams to declare that it's the new year and I think everything's going to be fantastic now that there's a fresh start to a brand new year. Rather, it's an acknowledgement that 2005 came and went and changed me in ways I didn't expect, causing me to really wonder what 2006 will bring... with my trademark morbid curiousity rather than any kind of wide eyed enthusiasm. i don't do wide eyed enthusiasm.

How did I spend New Year's Eve? Well, after a really fucking bad day on Friday, I went home to X+J and began the weekend off by watching J. play this hysterical videogame- the point of which is to roll things up into a giant ball so that it can become a star or something? You roll up like scooters, then trees, people, houses, sperm whales, fighting dinosaurs, buildings, and eventually, J. rolled up the Sun. It's really fucking cool. Then we watched Project Runway, our latest guilty pleasure. Saturday was a very mellow day- started off watching a bit of the new Directors Label box set, which I got with a gift certificate that L. gave me. Trent Reznor is looking damn good these days, renewing an old celebrity crush (can my one NY resolution be to restrict my crushes to celebrities? done). I saw the video for this Jay-Z song, "99 Problems" which was really fucking amazing. I heard the first line- "I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one" and immediately wanted to mute the sound, but ended up thinking that it's a really great track. But fuck- it's hard to reconcile with my distaste for the violence & misogyny that hip hop is teeming with... So I went to itunes with the gift card that X's mom gave me for Christmas and got the song... only they had the accapella version! Fuuuuuck. Started to watch Johnny Cash's video for "Hurt" but it's still too sad, possibly one of the most gut wrenching videos ever. Watched the nine inch nails videos "Closer" and "The Perfect Drug" a zillion times instead- whether he's blindfolded & handcuffed pretty Trent of '94 or Victorian Edward Gorey goatee Trent of '96 or sideburns & collared shirt Trent of '05, I want him. *sigh* Oh yeah, I watched some videos from the other dvds, too... but apparently Mark Romanek is my favorite volume this go around. Then I watched The Interpreter, which Dave gave me. Yaay Nicole Kidman. It was really good- plus, they were in Brooklyn. They actually filmed a subway bit at our station, but the train was supposed to be the L. How's that for useless trivia? Anyway, later on I made dinner for X+J for the first time! It's this recipe that my mom has, called "slop" after the noise it makes when you serve it. It's not as bad as it sounds & I think I'm going to re-name it. Anyway, it was pretty easy to make, although I did manage to drop the salt shaker behind the oven. I was really happy with it, but more exciting is that the flatmates liked it- even X, who is a notoriously picky eater! That sort of made my night, as I feel like I can finally contribute something culinary to the flat. So we ate & watched The Stewie Griffin Story, then played Trivial Pursuit- The Book Lover's Edition and Spongebob Squarepants Life until like 3:30 in the morning. Which may sound incredibly lame, but it was the perfect New Year's Eve for me & exactly what I had hoped to do this weekend- a lot of nothing. Here it is, 12:15 in the afternoon and I'm still in bed. Yaay weekend off!

-rick
listening to: Robbie Williams/Intensive Care
bookbag: still undecided- shall I start "Thank You For Smoking" or "Conversations with the Dream King?"
dvd player: The Wizard of Oz
title quote: Ray Davies & The Kinks/Better Things
celebrity sightings: 0 -this will probably not change today unless Trent Reznor shows up at the flat, which J. promised me would happen after I wished for snow and then got "snow-rain."